


The voice

by Sg1sjshipper



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sg1sjshipper/pseuds/Sg1sjshipper
Summary: This is set after SGU. Sam is a General and in charge of the SGC.*Trigger warning for discussions of attempted suicide*“Was it hard for you to decide it was your only option?” She was touching on forbidden territory. Charlie’s death, his first trip to Abydos, and his subsequent divorce had always been off limits.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 17
Kudos: 52





	The voice

This is set after SGU. Sam is a General and in charge of the SGC.

*Trigger warning for discussions of attempted suicide*

“Was it hard for you to decide it was your only option?” She was touching on forbidden territory. Charlie’s death, his first trip to Abydos, and his subsequent divorce had always been off limits.

All mistakes are mine.

The Voice

“These damn Tauri are constantly in the way.” The short muscular man growled his displeasure about another ruined batch of casa.

“Let me help.” The man looked over at his nephew. The boy had recently come home from some school his mother had insisted he attend; in the hopes he would not join the family business. He had left a spindly boy and returned a bit stronger and a lot meaner.

“How?” His uncle’s head tilted.

“I developed a method of persuasion that could be helpful.” His grin was vile, but his uncle was desperate.

“Fine, but if you are caught, I will not rescue you.”

“I understand Uncle.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam felt a hardness pressing on her forehead, making her headache even worse. As her hand reached up to her face she sat up, resting her head on the back of her seat. She slowly opened her eyes, finding it dark with one bright light overhead. She blinked several times before her eyes would focus. She was in her car, sitting in the Cheyenne Mountain parking lot. She could feel every beat of her heart in her head. She fought against the fog in her mind, thinking back to how she got to her car and realized she had no idea. She rubbed her forehead and felt the indentations from the steering wheel, so she must have been laying there for a while. Sam’s hand went to the door handle.

_‘Go home. You are fine. Go home.’_

Sam removed her hand from the handle, turned the key, and pulled out of her parking spot. The drive home was one she knew well and she did it on automatic pilot tonight. She paused as she got out of the car, looking at the door from the garage to the kitchen. Her hand began shaking and her heart raced.

_‘Go inside.’_ Sam hesitated. _‘GO INSIDE!’_

Sam moved to the door and turned the knob. When she stepped inside, she glanced at the washer and dryer before hanging up her coat. She slipped off her shoes and then stopped, again feeling the need to escape.

“Long day.” Jack’s voice floating in from the living room.

_‘Greet him.’_

“Yes, yes it was.” She moved through the kitchen into the living room, where Jack was watching television. He looked over his shoulder as she stood stiffly glancing around the room.

His eyes narrowed. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.” She didn’t move.

“Did you get dinner?”

Sam tried to remember but her mind seemed scrambled.

_‘No, you did not.”_

“No, I didn’t.”

“Of course not.” Jack sighed. “I made a plate for you. It’s in the fridge.”

“Thanks.” Sam still didn’t move.

Jack turned so he could see her a bit better. “Do you want me to heat it up for you?”

_‘Go heat it up.’_

“No, I can do it.” Sam turned and went back into the kitchen. Jack watched as she stood in front of the refrigerator for too long before opening the door and looking inside. She pulled out the foil covered plate, closed the refrigerator, and opened the microwave. She put the plate inside and closed the microwave.

“You should probably uncover it before you heat it up.”

“Right.” Sam opened the microwave again and removed the foil. She set the timer and pushed start. She pulled a beer out of the refrigerator, twisted off the top, and took a big swig. Jack’s eyes widened as she took a second gulp. She finished the whole bottle before the microwave dinged. She sat the empty bottle beside the sink and got out another one, sitting it at the kitchen bar along with her plate.

When Jack’s show finished a few minutes later he joined Sam at the bar. “What kept you so late tonight?”

Sam’s hand stopped mid-air between bites.

_‘Tell him something he will believe.’_

“SG-11 came in hot.”

“Ahhhh, SG-11, always in trouble. I assume they’re all ok now?”

Sam nodded. “They’re all fine.”

“Ok.” Jack watched Sam go back to eating. She’d eaten more than half the plate already, which was unusual for her this late, since eating before bed gave her horrible heartburn. “Anything else interesting go on today?”

Sam stopped moving again and she strained to remember what had happened before she woke with her head on her steering wheel. Everything seemed so far away, and it hurt to think.

_‘Change the subject.’_

Sam shook her head. “Not really.” She looked up at him. “How was your day?” She gave him a small pained smile.

“This new group of recruits seems even younger and greener than the last group.”

“You always say that.”

“It’s always true.” Jack went on to tell her more about each of the recruits he was helping train as she finished her dinner. She nodded when appropriate, but his words weren’t really sticking in her brain. When she finished eating, he took her plate to the sink as she finished off her second beer. He took the empty bottle from her and put it, along with the other bottle, into the recycle box.

“We have a couple movies taped, if you want to stay up a little late.” Jack sat down beside Sam on the sofa.

_‘You are tired.’_

Sam’s eyes moved from the television, to Jack, and then back to the television. She wanted to say yes to the movie, but the voice disagreed, and she couldn’t argue with the voice.

“Sam?” Jack’s hand wrapped around Sam’s palm. “You there?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I guess I’m just kinda tired.”

“Then it’s a good thing you get a weekend off. You can even sleep in tomorrow if you want.”

“That does sound good.” She gave him another tight smile. Jack knew something was wrong, but he also knew that Sam would tell him when she was ready and pushing her would only lead to a fight, and he hated fighting with her since she usually won.

_‘Go to bed.’_

“I’m going to go to bed.” Sam pushed up off the sofa.

“Alright, I’ll be right behind you.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

_‘Wake up.’_

Sam tried to ignore the voice, but it was insistent and repetitive. She rolled over and looked at the clock. The shining 6:18 made her groan. She slid out from under the covers and went to the bathroom. By the time Jack woke she was dressed and finishing a cup of coffee.

“Good morning.” Jack gave her a kiss on the cheek as he moved past her to the coffee pot. “You’re up early.”

“I need to go in for a few hours.”

“Really? Did something happen?”

Sam’s lips twitched. “I can’t discuss it.”

“Right, well I’ll leave the light on for ya.”

“Thanks Jack.” She grabbed her jacket as she left the house.

When she got to her office, she turned on her computer and began reading through files she’d already read. Each time she finished one file the voice told her what to read next. Jack called her twice, but she ignored the calls. Major Johnson, the officer in charge this weekend, tried to interrupt her around lunchtime but she gently sent him away. Major Johnson returned at dinner time, complaining about Jack’s calls.

_‘I’ve learned enough for now. Go home.”_

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

On Monday Sam went back to reading files, in between her scheduled meetings. She signed orders and spoke to the IOA and Pentagon when they called.

“Unscheduled off world activation.” The announcement came while she was listening to Major Jamison, second-in-command of SG-2, presenting the M.A.L.P. data for 489, their next mission destination. Sam excused herself and went down to the control room. SG-2 was close on her heels.

“Sergeant, what do we have?” Sam didn’t let herself look over the man’s shoulder.

“Nothing so far, General.” All eyes were glued to the computer monitor. “Wait, we have an IDC. It’s SG-6 coming in hot.”

_“Do nothing.”_

Sam stared at the screen.

“General?” The Sergeant looked up at her as his hand hovered over the control pad for the iris.

Colonel Taylor stepped up beside her. “General if we don’t open the iris SG-2 will die.” All eyes were on her.

_‘Let them die.’_

Sam was trembling, fighting the command in her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, bent at the waist, and grabbed her head. Colonel Taylor grabbed Sam’s shoulders and held her as she screamed. He looked over at the Sergeant. “Open the iris.”

The sergeant followed the command just in time for SG-2 to run through the event horizon. The sergeant closed the iris as soon as all four members of the team were on the ramp.

Sam stopped screaming as the iris closed. Colonel Taylor helped her straighten back up. “General, we need to get you to the infirmary.”

Dr. Lam didn’t see any evidence of an aneurysm, heart attack, or stroke, but cautioned Sam that it would take a couple days to get back all the bloodwork. Dr. Lam let Sam go home when Jack showed up to give her a ride. They rode home in silence and when they got there Sam went straight to the back deck. Jack poured them a couple glasses of lemonade and joined her. They sat in silence until Jack couldn’t take it any longer.

“I thought once you started desk duty, I wouldn’t have to worry about you being sent to the infirmary.”

“I’m sorry Jack.”

He reached over and placed his hand over hers. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Positive.” She gave him a restrained smile before removing her hand from his and picking up her lemonade.

Jack made dinner and set the table for them, including a candle and glasses of wine. He turned down the lights as Sam sat down. She appreciated his effort to help her have a relaxing evening and be romantic. The heart healthy dinner of grilled chicken and vegetables made her internally smile too. She knew her heart was fine but figured if he got health conscious for her it would help him too.

“To a long happy life together.” He lifted his glass and she copied his move, clinking them together.

“I love you, Jack.” She gave him one of her genuine broad smiles that he loved.

_‘I could make you kill him.’_

Her hand wrapped around her steak knife as an image of Jack laying bloodied and gasping on the floor popped into her head. Sam gasped as her heart raced.

 _‘If I tell you to do it you will.’_ Her hand tightened on her knife.

“Sam?”

Sam tore her eyes away from the floor and looked at Jack. He was fine, worried but not bleeding from gashing chest wounds. She would do what she had to do to keep him uninjured. She shook her head.

“I’m fine. This looks amazing. Let’s eat.” Her smile had disappeared and there were worry lines etched around her eyes.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Despite Jack’s worry and multiple comments of opposition he begrudgingly drove her back to work the next morning. Since threatening to kill Jack the voice had been quiet, quiet enough to let Sam hope maybe it was gone. Sam buried herself in her job, keeping the SGC running and making sure her people were safe.

_‘Move your ship away from P3M-689.’_

The delta site, where they had taken Atlantis. Why would the voice want her to get the Hammond away from Atlantis?

_‘Do as I say, move your ship.’_

Sam wrote out the orders and delivered them to the control room, where they were transmitted to the Hammond. She didn’t technically have the authority to order the Hammond to change position, but she knew they’d do as she asked and it would be hours, perhaps a day or more, before anyone asked her why she’d done it. Worry radiated through her, making her nauseous. She sorted through her paperwork and sat through two meetings before it was time to go home.

She’d been back at work the next morning for less than an hour when the klaxons began to blare. She walked down the stairs quickly but with an air of calm, knowing the importance of her image when under stress.

“It’s Atlantis.”

“Put them through.”

“SGC we’ve been attacked. We have numerous injuries and our infirmary is overwhelmed. We’d appreciate being able to send some to you.”

Sam leaned down to the microphone. “Permission granted.” She looked at the closest technician. “Get three med teams to the gate room and tell the infirmary to prepare for a mass casualty event.” Sam watched as multiple gurneys were filled with wounded men and women, some of them people she had once commanded. Two of the last to come through the gate were Daniel and Vala. Daniel was leaning heavily on Vala and cradling his left arm against his body.

Sam gave the infirmary time to get through the rush before she went down to check on the wounded and look for Daniel. He was sitting on a gurney in a corner, with Vala holding his right hand as a nurse wrapped bandages on his left arm.

“Hey, Daniel.”

He looked up. “Sam, hey.”

Her eyebrows rose as she nodded at his arm. “How bad?”

He gave her a one shouldered shrug. “Just a few stitches.”

“A few!” Vala rolled her eyes in disgust. “Eighteen is more than a few and that’s just your arm. You had another twelve in your leg.” She scoffed at his attempt to minimize his injuries. “Good thing scars are sexy.” Sam saw Daniel squeeze Vala’s hand. She was glad they’d finally accepted their attraction. This was a very different relationship than his first marriage, but they worked as a couple.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Daniel sighed. “There was just one ship, but our shields were useless. They didn’t ask for anything or give us any warning. They just showed up on our sensors and started shooting. They made three passes and by the time we got fighters scrambled they were gone.”

“The shields were useless?”

“Yeah, maybe Rodney can tell you more about how they did it but…” Daniel’s face paled. “We were defenseless.”

Sam squeezed his foot. “I’m sorry you’re hurt but I’m glad you're both back. Once you get released, we’ll have dinner.”

Sam read the preliminary report from Atlantis and just as Daniel had said their shields were useless. Rodney had some theories but nothing concrete. Cameron Mitchell, who now ran the Atlantis base, noted that the rail guns never hit the attacking ship and their fighters didn’t have a chance to engage. He also mentioned that things might have played out differently if the Hammond had not left them the day before. She reread that part four times. Her actions had led to this.

Three hours later she got a call from the Pentagon informing her that the Hammond had been attacked. They’d sustained significant damage, and like Atlantis, their shields had been useless, and their attacker left before they could put up much of a defense. By the end of the day another ship and the Beta site had been attacked, all with similar attack patterns and outcomes. It wasn’t a coincidence that two off world sites and two ships were attacked in one day. Somebody was targeting the SGC and that somebody had used her, she was sure of it.

Sam went back through her computer history. She’d gone through the codes for the shielding technologies a couple days ago. She felt the laughter in her head.

_‘Just keep doing your job.’_ the laughter grew louder.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When Captain Bailey came up the stairs from the control room, she looked through the window into General Carter’s office. Her head was down on her desk. Captain Bailey hated the thought of disturbing General Carter, especially if she was so tired she’d laid her head down in her office where she could so easily be seen, but there’d been another attack and General Carter needed to know immediately. She knocked on her door and waited to be acknowledged. When she didn’t hear anything, she knocked again and waited. She was shifting her weight from foot to foot, knowing she was going to have to enter without permission and wake her if the General didn’t say something. She doubted the General would be happy about being caught napping.

Captain Bailey slowly turned the doorknob. “General?” She looked around the edge of the door. “General, there’s been another attack.” She stepped into the General’s office. “General?” She gave a loud fake cough and took two more steps forwards, putting her within arm’s reach of the General's desk. “General?” The smell of iron hit her just before she saw the bloody handprint on the lone folder laying on the General’s desk. “General!”

Captain Bailey hit the red button on the wall beside the door, setting off an alarm that started several people in her direction. She grabbed the phone receiver on the General’s desk and dialed the infirmary. “I need a med team in the General’s office now!” As multiple people entered the office Captain Bailey was pushed back. She watched as one of the sergeants picked the General up by her shoulders and leaned her back in her chair. The front of her uniform was dark with blood.

When the med team entered Dr. Lam moved to General Carter. “Get her on the gurney now.” Two men lifted Sam and laid her on the gurney. Dr. Lam climbed on top of Sam and began cutting off her uniform as the gurney was pushed out of her office. The room grew quiet as the med team moved down the hall. Captain Bailey moved back towards the desk, transfixed by the footprints and lines running through the large pool of blood under the desk.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Daniel limped over and took the open seat beside Jack. “How’s she doing?” Sam was still unconscious due to blood loss. The restraints around her wrists bothered Daniel more than the lack of muscle tone in her face.

“Doc said she should fully recover...physically.”

“Jack?” Daniel reached out towards Jack’s arm, but he stopped short when Jack’s muscles stiffened.

“They think her wounds were self-inflicted.” Jack was slowly shaking his head back and forth. “That’s not her. She’d never…”

“I agree with you but…”

This time Daniel did make contact, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “So, she hasn’t been different recently?”

Jack’s jaw tensed. “Daniel…” His tone was a warning.

“It’s a legitimate question.”

Jack didn’t want to admit that things had been off lately. When he and Sam were in the same zip code, they tended to be very physical with one another. Sam liked to say they were making up for lost time. For the last week Sam had put off his advances and rarely touched him, even casually. It was very unlike her and had been gnawing at him.

“She’s been different, but I didn’t think it was anything serious.”

Daniel squeezed Jack’s shoulder. “How can I help?”

Jack looked over at his friend. “I need to get a few personal things out of her office.”

“I’ll join you.” Jack looked down at Daniel’s bandaged leg. “I’ll be fine as long as you don’t feel the need to run down there.”

“Slow it is.”

Jack stood in the doorway to Sam’s office, briefly remembering when this was his turf. The chair he had once sat in was missing, he assumed because it was damaged. He walked around the desk. The clean spot on the floor indicated where Sam’s blood had pooled, making acid climb up his throat. His eyes fell on the only thing laying on Sam’s desk, a manila folder with a bloody handprint on it. Jack flipped the folder open and glanced at the stack of signed requisitions, a daily requirement to keep a place this big running. It was just like her to make sure the requisitions were signed before…

Jack closed the folder. He couldn't accept Sam had sat here calmly signing requisitions before stabbing herself six times with a letter opener. Jack kicked the desk before moving over to the window looking out at the conference room. Daniel stepped over to the desk and opened the folder.

“What are these?”

Jack looked over his shoulder. “Requisitions, nothing really important.”

“You’re wrong.” Daniel turned the papers around, so they were facing Jack. “Look at her signatures.”

Jack stepped back to the desk and looked down, flipping through one page at a time.

brigadier general samantha Carter

brigadier general samantHa carter

brigAdier general samantha carter

brigadier geNeral samantha carter

brigadier General samantha carter

brigadiEr general samantha carter

brigadier general Samanha carter

brigadier general samantHa carter

brIgadier general samantha carter

brigadiEr general samantha carter

brigadier generaL samantha carter

brigaDier general samantha carter

brigadier general samantha Carter

brigaDier general samantha carter

brigadier gEneral samantha carter

brigadier general Samantha carter

“She’s trying to tell us something Jack.” Daniel’s finger kept tapping the requisitions. “What does change shield cdes mean? What’s a cdes?”

“I...I don’t…” Jack’s hands tightened into fist. “She was missing a letter. It’s codes. She wants us to change the shield codes.” Jack picked up the phone receiver and called Washington.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Daniel sat back down beside Jack, who had resumed his vigil beside Sam. “Rodney said if the attacker had the shield frequency codes that would have allowed them to fire right through them. He’s already working on a program to change all the codes and make them rotate so hopefully this can’t happen as easily again.”

“Good.”

“That of course doesn’t fully explain what happened.” Daniel tilted his head trying to get a better look at Jack’s face. “We both know she never would have willingly given those codes away.”

“I hear you and I agree.”

“But?”

“But we need answers.” Jack wrapped his hand around her fingers. “And we’ll get them, when she wakes up.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Waking up in pain wasn’t new to her and she hated feeling disoriented. She squeezed the hand she felt in her left hand as she tried but failed to lift her right hand. She pulled on her right hand again, but it still refused to move to her face. She began to panic when she realized she was restrained. She heard the beeping on the heart monitor increase.

“Sam.” Jack’s voice filtered through her rising panic. “It’s ok Sam, you’re at the SGC.”

Memories of the voice crashed into her. She was a danger to the SGC. Her eyes flew open as the beeping increased even higher. “I should be dead.”

Jack bristled but worked to keep his face neutral. “You almost were. It took four transfusions to save you.”

“I have to die. Please, Jack.”

He let go of her hand and ran a finger along her cheek. “I need you alive, Sam.”

_‘Tell him you want nothing to do with him.’_

Sam choked back a sob. Hadn’t she hurt him enough.

_‘He is a complication. Get him out of your life.’_

Pain ripped through Sam’s head. Both hands jerked towards her head, but the restraints stopped her. She threw her head back as she clamped her eyes shut and moaned.

_‘Tell him your relationship is over. End it!’_ Sick laughter filtered through her neurons. _‘You are mine now.’_

Sam relaxed her hands, slowly opening her eyes, looking off in the distance, and let out a slow breath. “I am not yours. I never have been, and I never will be.” She turned her head further away from him. “Just go. Please.”

He stood quietly, watching her as she tried to ignore him. He laid his hand on her forearm. “I’m not going anywhere, Sam. I don’t know what’s happening to you but when we said for better or worse, I meant it.” He heard her shuddering breath before he saw the tears. He sat back down beside her and wrapped his hand around her fingers. “Tell me what’s going on Sam.”

“Take off the restraints.”

“I’m sorry but you tried to hurt yourself, so they have to stay on for now.”

Her head quickly turned towards him and her lips curled into a snarl. “Say what you mean Jack! I didn’t just try to hurt myself. I succeeded.” Sam tugged on her restraints. “I tried to kill myself and I failed.”

Jack looked down at the floor. “Sam.”

“I have to die, Jack. It’s the only way.”

_‘You’re wrong. I can still use you. You may not kill yourself yet.’_

Sam’s face went oddly blank. She looked straight ahead at the grey wall. “Actually, that isn’t true. I have more work to do. I have a lot to live for.”

Jack’s eyes followed hers to the wall before looking back at her face. “Yes, yes you do.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

A captain that Jack swore had to be young enough to be middle school walked up to him and gave him a smart salute as she held out a pad of paper. “Thank you, Captain.” He flipped through the pages as Sam watched him. “They attacked again but we changed the shield codes, so they were unsuccessful, so unsuccessful in fact that we managed to disable their ship and nab them.”

“You shouldn’t be telling me this. I am a danger to…”

_‘Shut up.’_

Sam’s lower lip trembled as she followed the order.

_‘Tell him nothing!’_ She could hear fear in the voice, and it gave her a small spark of pleasure. Perhaps she had caused the voice a problem, disrupting his plan.

_‘Nothing!’_

“There are a few things missing from this report though. Things I figure you can fill in.” Jack watched the muscles in Sam’s jaw flexing. The lines around her eyes deepened. “How about we start with how the shield codes were compromised?”

Sam’s hands pulled against her restraints as the buzzing and pain in her head increased. “Jack…”

“How were the codes compromised?” Jack leaned closer to Sam’s face. “Tell me the truth Sam.”

She pulled harder on the restraints as the pain built and she could feel her pulse in her head. “Jack!”

“Tell me how the codes were compromised!”

“It was me!” Pain exploded in her head as she fought the voice’s commands. Her scream filled the isolation room as Jack grabbed her shoulders. She screamed until she passed out.

“Sam. Sam?” Jack looked up at the observation room. “Doc?” Doctor Lam quickly came down and checked Sam’s vitals.

“She appears stable, but I’d like to do a brain scan just to be sure.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“We found it, sir.”

“It?” Jack looked up at Dr. Lam. He was sitting beside Sam’s bed watching her twitch in her sleep, at least he hoped she was asleep.

“The implant. We missed it the first time we did a brain scan because it wasn’t active.”

“And?”

“I’m taking her to surgery now. We should be able to remove it.”

“Good.” Jack stood and watched as Dr. Lam followed Sam’s gurney out of the room.

She looked back over her shoulder at him. He looked so alone standing amid the equipment. “It will take us at least an hour. It would be a good time for you to get some dinner.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam knew the feeling of waking from anesthesia far too well. There was a dull throb in her head, but it was better than the sharp pains from earlier. Her left hand had a weight on it, so she didn’t move it. She lifted her right hand and was surprised at the lack of resistance. She wiped a few hairs off her face as she slowly opened her eyes. She looked over and down towards her left hand, only a little surprised to see a head full of short silver-grey hair partially laying on her hand. She slowly pulled her fingers out from under his head and gently tousled the hair at the crown of his head that were striking straight up.

Jack jerked awake as her fingers played with his hair. When he raised his head, his heart skipped a beat at seeing her beautiful blue eyes looking at him. “Hey there.”

“Hey.” Sam’s eyes roamed the room. “What time is it?”

Jack sat up, letting her hand slide down to the bed, and looked at his watch. “0416.”

“You shouldn’t have saved me.” Her throat felt raw, which told her she’d probably been intubated recently. “I’m a danger to you, to everyone.”

“It’s over Sam. We got him and that thing he put in your head is out.”

Tears coalesced in her eyes. “What? How?”

He moved a lock of hair off her face. “After we got your message McKay fixed the shields and then we had him start looking for any signals that could be used to contact you.”

“Control me.” She looked away from him.

He put one finger under her chin, gently moving her face back towards him. “At first we didn’t pick up on anything and a full body scan didn’t show any anomalies but once he started sending you messages, we were able to locate his ship.” Jack tilted her chin up. “Once we had him, we were able to use his equipment to locate the filament he’d placed in your head.” Even as she let him move her head her eyes stayed averted from him. He knew why. She was ashamed she’d been used. “You weren’t the only one.”

That got her attention. Her eyes shifted to his face. “What?”

“He’d also got to General Thomas and General Tyron.” He saw a measure of relief cross her face. “We saved them too.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Two days later Jack drove her home and helped her get comfortable on the sofa. He brought her a diet soda and some grapes to snack on. He sat beside her and flipped through the channels until he found a nature show about Blue Whales. When she fell asleep leaning against his shoulder, he couldn’t help but lean his cheek against her head. His growling stomach woke her a couple hours later. They ate pizza as they watched the news.

Sam insisted she’d be fine showering alone. He was nervous about it, but he knew she needed some time to herself. That didn’t stop him from listening to the water run and keeping a close ear out to make sure she didn’t fall. When the water had been off for several minutes, but she hadn't emerged he got worried and cracked the bathroom door open. He found her standing in a pair of underwear looking at herself in the steamy mirror. Her right index finger was slowly tracing one of the six new scars on her chest.

“You did the right thing.”

She dropped her head as a tear slid down her face. “I never understood how people could…”

He stepped up close behind her and wrapped a towel around her shoulders, effectively covering her new scars. “You mean how I could.”

She turned as she nodded. “Yes. Yes, but I get it now. I was so desperate, and I couldn’t see another solution.”

“It wasn’t weakness, Sam.” He held her close, rubbing the towel over her back, catching the drips off her hair. “It was strength. You did the only thing you could to try and protect thousands, hell millions.” He leaned back and looked down at her face. “You warned us and tried to prevent him from using you. Those other two just kept feeding him information. They weren’t strong enough to do what you did.”

Her arms wrapped around him. “I had no way to tell you. I was so scared that you’d never know, you’d never understand, you’d blame me for leaving you.” He held her as she sobbed. “I was scared that you’d never forgive me, that you’d hate me.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “If I’d lost you it would have torn me in two but…” He swallowed. “I would have known you had a good reason. It might have eaten at me that I didn’t do something, but I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

She shook her head and her lips trembled. “You would have blamed yourself?” She gasped. “That’s even worse.”

He moved the towel up to her head and began rubbing. “Let’s get you dried off before you catch a cold.”

“A cold? Jack…”

“It’s over, you’re safe, and you’ve been cleared of all wrongdoing.” He gave her a forced smile. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

She stared into his eyes. “It will? You won’t think about it when you look at me?”

His head tilted. “Is that what you think when you look at me?”

She shook her head. “Of course not.”

“Do you spend every day worrying that I'm going to offer to sacrifice myself for the greater good again?”

She swallowed. “I know you would, if it came down to it.”

“But you don’t spend every day worrying about it, do you?”

“Not as much these days.” She gave him a shy smile.

“Neither will I.” He kissed her forehead. “Now how about you get some pajamas on while I lock up and turn off all the light.”

Sam’s brow knitted. “It’s kind of early for bed.”

Jack shrugged. “We’ve both had a few long days.”

When he returned, he found Sam back in the bathroom, dressed in a spaghetti strap nightgown that was cut low enough to not rub on her stitches. He never forgot how beautiful she was, but sometimes it hit him harder than other times, and right now he couldn’t help but appreciate the way the gown clung to her curves. He watched her eyes in the mirror and saw them drift down to her injuries again. They were still red with black stitches that stood out on her pale skin. He was sure they itched too. She bit her lip when she saw him looking at her in the mirror. He stepped close and kissed the spot where her neck joined her shoulder.

“You are so beautiful.” He saw her eyes go back to her chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. He waited until she met his eyes in the mirror. “I love you.”

She relaxed back against him. “I love you too.”

Jack turned off all the lights except the one on his bedside table and propped himself up on a couple pillows while he waited on Sam to finish in the bathroom. He turned on ESPN but muted the commentators. When she climbed into bed, he laid his arm out towards her and she accepted his invitation, curling up beside him with her head on his shoulder and arm along his waist. He didn’t say anything as he held her, gently rubbing his hand along her back.

“I feel different.” She ran her middle finger along the edge of his shirt. He maintained his silence. “I know I’m not different but…” Her hand moved up to her chest.

He took her hand in his, threading his fingers through hers. “You learned something about yourself you didn’t know, so maybe you are a little different.”

She closed her eyes. “You mean I learned I’m capable of killing myself.” She shuddered.

He squeezed her fingers. “There’s nothing wrong with knowing how far you’ll go to save the world.” His fingers dug a little tighter into her hip. “As long as you try plan A, B, C and D first.”

She gave him a small snort. “Was it hard for you to decide it was your only option?” She was touching on forbidden territory. Charlie’s death, his first trip to Abydos, and his subsequent divorce had always been off limits, but she knew he understood how she felt better than anyone else she knew.

“I didn’t think I had anything to live for, so it was an easy decision.” He leaned his head and pressed his cheek to against her hair. “General West actually sent someone to Charlie’s funeral to assess my level of despair.”

Sam gasped. “No.”

Jack snorted. “I didn’t know it at the time. I stumbled across a memo after the second Abydos mission. He needed to know that I’d given up.”

“That bastard.” She buried her face against his neck. “He used you.” Her breath tickled his neck as she spoke.

“He tried to.” He kissed the top of her head. “Didn’t exactly work out his way though.”

“If it hadn’t been for him, I would have been able to go on that mission.”

“Although I’m sure you would have been an invaluable member of my team, I think it’s good you didn’t meet that Jack O’Neill.” Sam wasn’t sure how to respond so she gave him a small squeeze. “I’d mellowed a bit by the time we met.”

“Daniel told me you seemed different, but I always thought he was being dramatic.”

“Daniel? Dramatic? Nah.”

Sam snickered. “You are a bit different today than you were all those years ago.” She pushed herself up. “So am I, in large part thanks to you.” She looked into his eyes. “You helped me become a better soldier, a better leader, and to develop more confidence in myself.”

“Well, thank you but you were brilliant and kick ass the day we met.”

She gave him a big grin. “Did you really think that?”

“Absolutely. Not many Captains are willing to give back to Colonel the day they meet.”

Sam looked away. “Not one of my finest moments actually.”

“I loved it.”

“Did you know General Hammond reprimanded me later?”

Jack’s eyes widened. “No, seriously.”

She nodded. “It was a well-intentioned warning to be on my best behavior.” She bit her lower lip. “I was scared of you back then.”

“I know.”

“You did?”

“You were tripping over your own feet trying not to upset me.”

“I was afraid you’d kick me off SG-1 if I screwed up.”

“I know.” He lifted his hand and cupped her face. “I tried hard to let you know that wasn’t going to happen.” He searched her eyes. “How long was it until you felt safe?”

She slowly shook her head. “I’m not sure.” She laid back down on his chest. “But I feel safe now, here, with you.”

He wrapped both arms around her. “Goal met.”

She snickered as she relaxed against him, happy to still have him and this moment. “I love you, Jack.”

Jack picked up the remote and turned off the television. He stretched his hand out and turned off the lamp on the bedside table. “I love you too.” He wrapped his arm back around Sam. “Now, let’s get some sleep.”


End file.
